Monday, July 28, 2014

Where have the lazy days of summer gone?

Today I found myself simply thinking of...nothing.  I always seem to have something to think about, but as I sat at the bank today waiting on the teller to send my transaction back through I caught myself staring at a tree and thinking of absolutely nothing.

This my seem like no big deal and it's probably no. big. deal. However;  I have two jobs, four kids, three dogs, one cat and a husband.  My mind is always running all over the place.  It was a bit unsettling to have nothing running through my head.  But then again, really peaceful.  Why must we always be going, going, going.  Why are we always in a rush, hurrying kids along, cramming as much as we can in 24 hours before we get up and do it all over again.  Could there be time in the day for thinking of...nothing.  Time for just being still, letting our minds rest, letting our schedules have a break, allowing myself the opportunity to just move at a leisurely pace?   I feel like I don't have a crammed schedule, but I kind of do.  I tried to plan a pool party with some friends.  Monday's work best, it's when I don't work and Aiden doesn't have gymnastics.  So I got busy inviting people...when that day didn't work for most I thought about another day I could do it...but sadly, the rest of my week is busy. It's SUMMER!  I'm off work from teaching preschool, but I still have so much to do all the time.

I bring it on myself.  It's me, 100%.  Even when I vacation I want to go-go-go.  I don't find it relaxing to just sit...I find it BORING!  My father used to have a cabin cruiser boat on a lake in Northern Minnesota.  How he loved that boat. My mom loved it too once the work and prep was done.  He'd putter out to the middle of the lake and spend all day and sometimes over night out there.  Those were the worst for me.  I'd go stir crazy.  I hated it!  I often wondered why I couldn't enjoy my time out there, soft waves bobbing the boat, fishing off the back, swimming if I choose.  Or just sitting up top looking out at the blue water and forest all around.   The weather was usually gorgeous, with the sun shinning bright.  My dad would be tucked inside with a book, my mom sunning herself on the top.  Even my husband could sit back and relax while taking a nap.  I've come to the conclusion, I want to be lazy at home.  I want to relax at home.  When I go places I want to see places, spend time with people I visit, go have fun and then I want to come home and relax, but that doesn't happen very often because once you get home you have your everyday responsibilities again.  So it's back up and running, go-go-go, hurry-hurry-hurry....

So I'll take that quick minute of thinking of nothing and I'll savor it, cherish it and tuck it away as a memory of "that one time..."  before life snapped back into focus and we all started rushing around again.

Friday, July 25, 2014

2 years later....

Ahh, it's been a while since I've updated my blog.  So goes the life of a mom with 4 kids, 3 dogs, 1 cat and a husband.

Many apologize though, two years is far too long to wait between posts.

So here I sit pondering what to write.  I've been feeling the urge to write again for about two weeks now (honestly I didn't write sooner because I didn't want to have to deal with the whole "I forgot my password" mess.)  But it was remarkably easy to log back in.

Quick update:

Christian is 19 (almost 20) now.  He did his first year at Texas State, pledged to TKE fraternity and blossomed socially.

Bailey is 15 in Parkour (free running--think american ninja warrior) and wants to go into game design.

Aiden is in 12 a competitive gymnast (Level 5 as I type this) he loves it and is really doing great at it.

Jillian is 8 (for just a couple more weeks!) I can't believe she's going into FOURTH grade!!!  why does time fly by so quickly?  She's sweet, smart, shy and sassy.  I love them all to pieces.

Christian is currently out in Colorado visiting my brother, hoping to hone in on what he wants to do for a living.

We've moved again (since our last post).  Same town, new house, I love it.

As I said before, I've felt moved to write, however I'm not sure where to begin, or what to write.  Forming a post out of nothing at all is a bit tricky.  I've had a lot of things on my mind lately though.

I'm at a crossroads on if I want to continue down the path I'm on being a preschool teacher.  I love doing that but I'm not sure it's where I'm supposed to be.  I think it's time for me to head back to school, take some classes, move on.  Which of course is a bit intimidating.  I just turned 40 this March and I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up!  I feel like a bit of a failure in this area.  By 40 I should have my ducks in a row, I should have a long time ago, but I can't seem to get them gathered up in a pile, let alone line them up in a row.  So while I think going back to school is the right thing and I'm eager to go forward with that...I stop and hesitate because what would I go back for??  I have NO IDEA!!

Here's what I know:


Here's what else I know:

I'm burnt out on kids.

So my problem is sitting in my brain festering....which direction do I go?  Do I go with what I know or can you teach an old dog new tricks?  Can you start a brand new career path, have zero experience, be trained and enjoy it, at 40?  Or is it even worth spending the money on?  We're already sending one child to college right now, the added expense of putting another on through a few classes....Hummm.  I'm just at a crossroads.

The other less life changing, but still important, decision I'm tossing around in my head is my hair!  For the first time in my life I think I may color it...darker...maybe add some red.  Now there are those that color their hair every color of the rainbow and have zero issue with it.  Me though...I've had the same hair (style, color etc..) for approx: 30 years.  Some times I'll cut my bangs then let them grow only to cut them again.  But chopping my hair, changing my style?  I've done that twice that I can remember in my life.  Once in  6th grade (horrible!  you'll never see pictures!)  and once after I had Bailey.  Other than that's it's been long, blonde and sometimes with bangs sometimes without.  So for me, changing hair color is pretty darn drastic.

So what have we taken away from this post?

Janelle can't make a decision.

That's the cliff notes version of all that up there.

If anything changes I'll keep you posted.  :)